Beautiful Ghosts
by ChloChlo1989
Summary: As both Rey and Kylo reflect on their past and their encounters with each other, they are forced to face their ghosts.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, and I do not own the song 'Beautiful Ghosts' from the 2019 film Cats, which is in italics. I haven't written anything in ages, please enjoy and review!**

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As he stepped into his quarters his vision momentarily went black, a faint and familiar buzz in the air. She appeared to be sitting on the floor, directly in the centre of the room, gazing up at the ceiling, her back to him, with a fraction of her face visible from the side. Her hair was no longer half down as it had been when he last saw her in the flesh, when he offered her his hand and she rejected him. It was back in its vertical trio of buns, as it had been the first moment he had lay eyes on her. She had changed since then. She had gained weight, from better food no doubt, her face smoother and her stance more confident and relaxed. She looked healthy and happy.

She looked even more beautiful, Kylo thought to himself.

She did not turn around, even as he took a single wary and silent step forward. Whatever she was admiring, it had bewitched her so much so that she did not even sense the buzz in the air as the force joined their spirits from across the expanse of the galaxy. Kylo stilled, stood there gazing at her in her trance, fearing that making his presence known would ruin the moment, would ruin her contentment.

After all, he was a monster. A cowardly monster hiding away from a beautiful woman. A woman that he cared for.

Rey sat on a small rock, a vast forest before her. The trees surrounded her, a sporadic mass of lush greenery, bathed in the moonlight and canopied by a galaxy of stars. The scene was mesmerising after being surrounded by sand her entire life. To discover colours more than just gold and beige, and have the freedom to observe and admire them without having to be concerned for her survival and what she could salvage to get her next daily ration.

She felt free, but she also felt as though part of her was empty, as though a piece of her was missing. The thought disturbed the contentment visible on her face into a frown. This is what the past year had felt like, since the battle on Crait. Since she had closed the door on him. She had felt the buzz of his presence rarely during those months, felt him stare at her and then disappear as though he was never there. But he was always there. Rey could not help herself but think of him. She had come so close to taking his hand, but as he demanded she strike everyone down before them, including her friends, as he had shouted and demanded. She realised she was not taking Ben's hand, the man she dreamed Kylo could be again. The man she had seen in Luke's mind, occasionally in Leia's during her training. Or simply the boy from their stories.

Despite his dad often being away, more often as he grew older, and his mother being busy with her job, Ben had not realise how much of a blessing his life was. It was lonely at times, but he had three meals a day, his parents did love and want him even if they did not make it evident all of the time, and he had parents. All Rey had ever wanted was her parents, to feel as though she was wanted, to be able to live freely and not worry about what could get her the next ration. Despite the problems in his life, Ben had not realised how lucky he was to have a life like that, in comparison to her life on Jakku.

All that Rey wanted was to be wanted.

Even here on Ajan Kloss, her training being continued with Leia, she was as close to a Jedi as she could get, the Resistance's last hope. Most of them did not qualify as a close friend, they just wanted her to fight and win the war. She was their weapon. She was needed, but she did not feel wanted. Not wanted truly and purely.

Sighing, Rey's mind returned to Ben. Despite herself, she had to admit that she missed him. Last year they had become closer than she ever could have imagined they would, especially after she scarred him on Takodana. Frustrated at her inner turmoil in the centre of this beautiful environment, her troubles and emptiness brought a song to mind. During her shift in the radio station, situated in the treehouse, Rey had explored the channels and had discovered a song playing. So used to the silence and loneliness of Jakku, hearing music at her free will had been enrapturing.

Unable to hold in her emotions any longer, and with Ben on her mind, Rey opened her mouth and just started singing the song. She could not explain why, she just felt compulsed to.

Standing a distance behind her, Kylo could only see part of the side of her face, so when a sweet voice filled the air, it startled him before he noticed her visible cheekbone moving in time with the words, her voice hypnotising him.

_"Follow me home if you dare to_  
_I wouldn't know where to lead you,"_

Jakku was no longer her home, and neither was Ajan Kloss, or any of the other multiple worlds she had discovered along the past couple years. She had never belonged anywhere.

_"Should I take chances when no one took chances on me?"_

Kylo had. He had killed Snoke to save her, and to some degree to save himself. At the time he had not considered the consequences, he had been so sure that she would take his hand. He had taken a chance on her, but she did not want him as Kylo, she wanted the little light left in him. He wanted to be accepted for everything he was. He was angry at her for that, he would stew in his frustration in the time that stretched between their rare connections. However, the second his brown eyes lay on her, his anger would dissipate. He missed her. He just missed her in that moment.

_"So I watch from the dark, wait for my life to start_  
_With no beauty in my memory All that I wanted was to be wanted_  
_Too young to wander the world, alone and haunted,"_

Kylo thought of the child he saw in her visions, when he had first captured her and interrogated her. The child sold, helpless and alone. His heart contracted and broke at the memory, her memory. He understood loneliness, most of his childhood his parents had been too busy to be around him often. However, he had never known it to that degree, to have to survive for yourself as a child, every second of the day. He had not truly touched another person for so many years, but right now he just wanted to wrap his warms around her and comfort her.

_"Born into nothing,"_

'You are nothing,' he remembered saying, as her voice broke on the word. 'But not to me'. He cared for her and his words felt logical at the time, he just wished they had held more meaning and understanding during their delivery. It still hurt Rey a little, that his words were harsh, but he spoke the truth. He was honest with her. Most of the other people currently in her life were either optimistic or pessimistic, a little realism was what she needed.

_"At least you have something_  
_Something to cling to_  
_Visions of dazzling rooms I'll never get let into,"_

When he had left his family behind, he thought he had nothing, until seeing the life she came from, a scavenger just trying to survive each day until her parents would return. Her parents who were dead and would never return to her. Parents she would never get chance to even know or remember. He had not realised how dazzling his life would be to her, in comparison to a life of sand, loneliness and rations.

_"And the memories were lost long ago_  
_But at least you have beautiful ghosts."_

As the forest went silent, Rey took a few moments before realising that her cheeks were wet. Despite her emotional outburst, her feelings had not lessened, they continued to grow inside her until she felt like she was going to explode. As she reached the edge of her emotional capacity, she just erupted. Sobs came out of her, uncontrolled and sporadic. It was not until she heard a snippet of the familiar buzzing in the air that her whimpers became silent and she stood, turning around sharply.

He stood there, as though he was in the trees a few metres away, watching her with concern on her face and a wariness that did not appear until a second after she noticed him. In his usual black robes, unmasked and unarmed, he stood before her. She tried not to miss him, to long for him. He was the enemy. But at the same time, he was also the only person who seemed to truly understand her and connect with her, despite when he asked for her hand on condition that she lose everyone else who she had in her life. He had not realised when he had said the words, how cruel they were considering her childhood, he did not realise until weeks of silence through their bond. He had wanted to reach out to her, but there had not been a right time.

They were enemies, on opposite sides of a war that they did not start.

Pawns in a game bigger than either of them.

Unable to control herself anymore, Rey's sobs tumbled out of her, the sudden vulnerability causing her to instinctively wrap her arms around herself, to make herself smaller. She tore her eyes away from him, incapable of acknowledging that he was watching her in such a state.

Seconds after her control broke, Kylo's did too. He took a few brief strides forward and enveloped her in his arms. She shuddered with her sobs for a few more minutes before she went silent, her breathing calming. It still took a few more minutes, probably from the shock, for her to finally relax, causing Kylo to tighten his embrace.

For just this one moment, they could stand, even on opposite sides of the galaxy, and embrace each other, forgetting about the war, the consequences.

In that moment, there was only each other.

They continued to embrace in silence until the bond broke and they each stood alone in their different points in the galaxy.

That moment would be enough. It had to be.


End file.
